Matters of the Mind
by pawntoqueenby19
Summary: Bella Swan is a Junior at Forks High.Picked on by her peers and called a freak.With the arrival of the mysterious Cullens, life becomes more complicated.The only people she has to turn to are her two best friends,but they only exist as voices in her mind.


**A/N: Hello Readers! So This is the start of a new story I came up with earlier this week during my lunch break at work. Random? I know. **

**I'm just testing it out to see some initial reactions. I would like some input on it if at all possible. Just a little idea that I thought would be fun to play with.**

**I do not own Twilight.  
**

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**Matters of the Mind**

**Chapter 1  
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My name is Isabella Marie Swan and I'm really no one special. The only child of divorced parents, and currently living with her police chief father in the rainiest city in the United States, Forks, Washington. I had previously lived in Phoenix, Arizona with my mother, Renee, from the age of two until right before I started junior high. My mother had remarried at that time, and felt the need to fly to coop and travel the world. This was one of the perks of marring someone with a healthy income. Phil Dwyer, my stepfather, is a good man. Besides my father, he was probably the only other guy I would choose to marry my flighty mother. He was a former baseball player that became a well known sports agent after an injury prevented him from playing anymore. I have never really viewed Phil as a father figure, being as he was younger than my mother, but more of an older brother type. I hardly see my mother anymore since she is always on the road or flying here and there. A few weeks in the summer, or an obscure holiday, she will pop by to visit, but I can always expect a postcard from her every week, letting me know where she and Phil have been. I have saved each and every one of the cards for the last four years, enough to possibly wallpaper one of my bedroom walls with.

With such an eccentric and outgoing mother, you would expect me to follow suit. That is not my case. I am more like my father, Charlie Swan, quiet, reserved and not very communicative. I really don't like to talk to other people much. At school I tend to clam up when called upon to answer questions by my teachers, I never join in conversation or gossip with my peers and I can hardly make it through a presentation without some mild panic attack. I hear the snickers and the jokes about me at school. I'm a loser, a freak, a nobody; which is why I tend to not get involved with many extracurricular activities. Okay, so no extracurricular activities are more like it. I prefer spending my time writing away in my journal or reading a good book. My mother could make friends with practically anyone she meets. Me? The closest person I have to a friend here in Washington is my father. Well, no, I take that back. I technically do have two friends. Their names are Liz and Cynthia and I've known them since I moved to Forks. They are a little bit older than me, but that has no effect on our friendship. We are constantly spending time together, pretty much inseparable. We talk about school, my family and about stories we like to make up in my journal. They are my best friends in the entire world. There's only one problem though. Nobody knows who they are or has ever met them. How is that possible? Well, Liz and Cynthia only exist as voices in my mind.

No, I am not schizophrenic nor do I have multiple personality disorder. Liz and Cynthia have never told me what to do or control my actions. Sure, they can make suggestions now and then, but ultimately I make the final call. When either one of them speak, it is only in my mind. They do not "come out to play" as some medical professionals might suggest. We simply just talk and listen to one another. Some may say they are imaginary friends, but when I asked them, they only laughed and told me that was ridiculous. We are just three people who happen to meet in my mind.

I have never "seen" either of my friends, though they have described themselves to me throughout the years. Liz told me that she has wavy reddish brown hair that falls down to her shoulders; she's a bit curvy, is a little taller than me and has light green eyes. Cynthia is my height and very thin, she has long straight raven hair that she likes to play with, and has ice blue eyes. For the last year I have been practicing my drawing skills so that I could capture them accurately. After several attempts and lot of input from the two of them, I finally have their portraits hanging in my room that they say are perfect depictions of themselves.

Tomorrow is that start of my junior year at Forks High School. I have only two more years left and I am looking forward to eventually going away to college. Besides Charlie, there will be no one here that I will miss. No classmates or former boyfriends for me to cry over leaving, all I need I will carry within me until the last beat of my heart. At least that's what Liz told me.

Cynthia is currently helping me pick out my clothing for tomorrow. She tries to "expand" my horizons with fashion, but she usually gives in to my own comfort needs, as long as I throw in colors besides black and grey in the mix. For tomorrow she wants me to wear a blue sweater with a v-neck my mother sent me a few weeks back paired with some slate gray jeans. She wants me to wear ballet flats, but I tell her only if the sun is out tomorrow, otherwise it's my chucks. I know it's going to be another argument in the morning when Cynthia will whine about me wearing my black zip up hoodie instead of the pea coat I have yet to wear. I will just have to tell her I would prefer something a bit comfortable for the first day back. I am anticipating Cynthia's grumbling and Liz's melodic laugh at her response.

As I was putting aside my outfit for tomorrow, the sounds of Charlie snoring started to filter through the thin walls of our little house we lived in. I pulled back the covers of my bed and pulled out the latest journal the girls and I had been working in from my night stand. We are finishing a story about a girl stolen from her family as a little girl who then returns as a grown woman when her capture dies of old age and the obstacles she faces on her journey home. As I placed the last period on the page, I could feel that Liz wanted to talk to me.

"What's going on Lizzy?" I set my favorite writing pen down.

"_I'm just wondering about things Bella. "_

"What about?" I closed the journal and put it back away, turning off the bed side lamp and sliding lower between the covers.

"_Well, I'm wondering how tomorrow will go. I have this feeling about it."_

"You think something bad is going to happen?" I was worried that the bitch brigade of Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory would be in full on "torture-Bella" mode. They were always there to point out how much of a freak I was since I moved to Washington, especially after they heard part of a conversation I had with Cynthia one day slip out loud. Nothing solidifies your freak status in high school like appearing to be talking to yourself.

"_I'm not sure sweetie. I just feel that something is going to happen that is going to change the rest of our lives. I don't think it's bad, but you should probably keep your eyes open for us tomorrow."_ There was a positive tone as Liz spoke

"I promise to look around. I just hope it's nothing devastating." I gnawed on my lower lip.

I could feel both Cynthia and Liz in my mind wishing to hug me.

"_We love you Bella. We are here for you, with you every step." _Cynthia's bell like voice assured me.

My eyelids were growing heavy at this point and both my best friends could sense my body succumbing to the night.

"_Sleep well sweetie." _Liz cooed. Her mother-like nature was emanating as I closed my eyes and relaxed into my pillow.

"Love you Liz, love you Cyn." I mumbled as I drifted into a dreamless sleep.

"WAKE UP! WAKE UP! Arise and shine Morning Glory! Time for the start of a new school year! The Best Ever!" Never have I wished to be able to clap Cynthia up against her bouncy energetic self in all my time of knowing her.

I slowly opened my eyes, squinting as the light from the morning sun shone through my bedroom window. I groaned and looked over at my alarm clock to see it was 6:29am, one minute before it was set to go off.

"Wake up sleepy head. You need to shower and dress so get your cute butt in gear." Cynthia sang.

"Shut up." I moaned just as my alarm went off. I quickly turned it off. "I'm up, I'm up." I mumbled, as I slid out of my bed and shuffled my way across the cold floor out my room and into the bathroom I shared with Charlie.

Cynthia was humming a cheery song as I washed my hair with my favorite strawberry scented shampoo and cleansed my body with my floral body wash. I dried my hair quickly afterwards and then was soon dressed in the outfit Cyn picked out last night and slipped on my loose, black hoodie, and then placed my glasses on. I didn't need to use them, there was hardly a prescription for them, with thick black squared frames that I just felt more comfortable behind, another shield to distance me more from everyone else.

Liz let out a disappointing huff, "_Bella, I wish you wouldn't wear those. You are such a beautiful girl. You shouldn't hide your eyes._" I rolled said eyes because I heard this argument all the time.

"Liz, my body, my choice, remember?" It seemed both my friends were overly concerned with my appearance for today, and that left me a bit unsettled.

I looked outside to check the weather and noticed the dark ominous clouds outside and cheered that I would be wearing my chucks today.

After I had my shoes on, I packed up my schoolbag and trudged downstairs to the kitchen for my oh so nutritious breakfast of pop-tarts and a diet coke. Charlie had already left for the station which was not a surprise and noted to myself to go grocery shopping after getting another coke out of the fridge and noticing the barely stocked shelves. I looked at the clock and noticed it was time to head to school. I locked up the house and walked down the path outside.

In the past I have usually walked to school or on severe weather days, Charlie would drop me off in his cruiser. Today was my first official day of driving to school. I had finally received my driver's license over the summer and Charlie bought me an old beat up Chevy truck from his friend Billy in La Push. It wasn't in the best of conditions, but I still loved driving the thing. Liz said it had character and Cynthia was counting the days until it died so we could have something new. The roar of the engine starting comforted me and I back down the drive and was headed off to Forks High.

It started sprinkling as I entered the parking lot on the school grounds. There were several cars already there. A few I recognized from the older student population returning and other cars that were making their first appearance this year. I cringed as I passed the bitch brigade and their cronies huddled by Jessica Stanley's newly acquired Corolla, sneering in my direction. _Great._

I parked my truck and sat in the cab looking at the small sea of vehicles. It was typical that most students cars were not fairly new, usually a hand me down from the family or something cheap and easy on gas expenses. I scanned the lot and my eyes instantly landed on an anomaly. There, parked in the far corner, sticking out like a sore thumb was a brand new silver vehicle. Cyn squealed in my head in appreciation at the sight of the shiny new addition while Liz laughed. I squinted to look at the make and read the words VOLVO. That one word immediately screamed money to me. It was then that I remembered Charlie mentioned the new town gossip in passing earlier in the week that a new Doctor at the local hospital and his family had moved to town and that he had five kids that would be attending my school. Another eye roll as I mentally prepared myself for a new set of tormentors to my sad existence in this small town.

There was fifteen minutes left until first period and I still needed to pick up my schedule from the gym. I stepped out in the misty air and slammed the door of the cab shut. I slipped the hood of my sweater over my long brown locks and straightened my glasses while throwing my backpack over my shoulders. I walked with my head down and wrapped my arms around my chest, marching across the lot to the gym building.

"Hey freak! What the hell are you still doing in this town? Why don't you just take off like you whore of a mother? No one wants you here." Lauren's nasally voice echoed. I could feel the tears begining to form in my eyes.

"_Just ignore her. You belong here Bella. She's just cruel and has no heart. And you know what she said about your mother is not true." _Liz was trying to sooth me. It was still hard to hear but I nodded that I knew Lauren was just trying to hurt me.

I heard the snickering as I passed and Jessica's voice hit me before I was out of range. "She's still crazy as a loon, talking to herself. What a pathetic nothing." A single tear fell and I quickly batted it away before anyone could see.

My feet sloshed as I walked through the puddles on the ground. I entered the gym and I kept my hood up as I made my way to tables set up distributing the class schedules and I stood waiting in the line for students under "R-T". Coach Clapp, the gym teacher called me forward when it was my time. I quietly thanked him once he handed my classes and hurried away to look it over. I found my usual morning spot next to the vending machines and quickly read it over.

_1__st__ period – English Mr. Mason Bld 3_

_2__nd__ period – Government Mr. Jefferson Bld 6_

_3__rd__ period – Trigonometry Mr. Varner Bld 5_

_4__th__ period – Spanish Senorita Goff Bld 7_

_5__th__ period – Lunch_

_6__th__ period – Biology Mr. Banner Bld 2_

_7__th__ period – Gym Coach Clapp GYM_

"_Good schedule this year." _Cyn said with hope.

"Yeah, at least I get to start off my day with English."

I could feel both my friends smiling in my mind. "_Our Favorite." _Liz said.

When the first bell rang I shuffled over to English and was the first to arrive so I took a seat in the back of the room. I lowered my hood and draped my hair to cover as much as my face as possible before diverting my gaze out the classroom window appreciating the brief moment of science before the voices of my fellow students started to filter in the room.

"Oh my god, did you see the new kids today Sarah? The girls looked nice, but damn those boys are gorgeous." The voice of Kara Simmons floated to my ears as she and Sarah Conrad took the seats in front of me.

"I know right. You think they are single? I like the big one. I think his name is Emmett Cullen. Muscles for days I wish I could wrap myself around." I felt the surge of bile start to surge upwards into my mouth.

"Not me, I like Jasper Hale, the blonde one. Now he's a fine specimen, all scowling and such."

I heard Cynthia gasp in my mind and I jerked my head forward to the front of class, furrowing my brows in confusion.

"Cyn, what's wrong?" I mentally thought.

"_Oh um, nothing. Nothing at all. Just… I think… I… I came up with a new story. Yeah, that's all. Nothing to worry about."_ I felt that wasn't the truth, but Cyn would never lie to me, so I just shook my head and decided to accept it anyways.

The final bell rang and Mr. Mason entered to start off the class. Liz, Cynthia and I were quite pleased with the reading list for the year. We had already read a majority of the books, but they were still decent selections that the coinciding assignments should be a breeze.

The next few class periods passed in a blink of an eye. I sat quietly in the back of all of them and had to constantly hear of the new additions to the student body. The Cullen's consisted of two girls and three boys, all of whom were adopted by Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his wife Esme. The boys were completely enamored by the two Cullen girls. A blonde haired girl named Rosalie Hale who Mike Newton mentioned was hotter than Heidi Klum and Giselle Bündchen combined and a short girl named Alice Cullen that had black spiky hair and danced from class to class. The girls in all my classes could only ever talk about the three boys of the family. Emmett Cullen was the biggest of the bunch that everyone was sure to be a ringer for the school football team, according to rumors now circulating. Jasper Hale, who was Rosalie's twin brother, was quiet and supposedly had a "sexy scowl" as the girls all commented on. The last one of the group was Edward Cullen. I think he was the one I heard mentioned the most in my eavesdropping. The descriptions about him were that he had red hair and was the brooding one of them all. Jessica Stanley was already talking about her future wedding with him throughout Trig.

By fourth period, the entire male population and quite a bit of the female population had all learned the heartbreaking news that four of the Cullen kids were indeed taken, and shockingly enough with their own adopted siblings. Rosalie was with Emmett and Alice was with Jasper, leaving poor Edward the only single one and thus the focus of the relationship vultures that were planning to ensnare him with their talons.

The lunch bell could not have come soon enough to end my Spanish hour were I was unfortunately seated next to Jessica and had to listen to her despicable plans to attract Edward.

"_I just cannot believe the nerve of that girl. When I was her age, girls were never so forward and salacious." _Liz commented.

I laughed quietly as I walked into the cafeteria with my hood pulled up and quickly purchased a soda, salad and an apple from the food bar and then seated myself at my usual empty table in the farthest corner of the room. I unpacked my journal from my bag and decided to write about my day so far.

"_No major incidents today, that's good, right Bells?" _Cynthia asked.

"Yeah, surprisingly. But let's not count our chickens before they hatch."

"_Just think positively Bella. The day is almost over." _Liz retorted.

"True, but there's still gym class. And the three of us know anything can still happen." I continued to scribble in my journal. The usual loud buzzing of chatter in the cafeteria suddenly quieted and the instant shift in noise level pulled my attention as I looked around to noticed what was the cause.

It was then the five of the most beautiful people I have ever seen, in obvious designer clothes mind you, entered the cafeteria and waited in line to pick out their lunch. I noticed how graceful each and every one of them seemed to glide their way across the floor. The statuesque blonde, Rosalie, was tall and was a few inches taller in high heels that would be sure to break my ankle should I attempt to try them on, had an arm wrapped around the large bear of a man with dark curly hair whom I identified as Emmett. He was rather intimidating to look at, but when her turned his face to look at his girl, the sight of dimples appeared as he flashed a gleaming white smile. The small pixie-like one, I figured to be Alice, was ahead of them in line. Alice would put the grace of a prima ballerina to shame as she maneuvered to the cashier, while doing a quick twirl while holding hands with a grimacing Jasper.

Trailing the two couples was indeed the most gorgeous god of a man I had ever seen, real or imagined. His hair was more of a bronze then red as previously described by my peers and in complete disarray. His face was that of a living Adonis with high cheekbones, a strong jaw line, straight nose, and full lips. He was probably around 6'2" with a slender but muscular body. He was very pale, in fact all five of them were very pale, paler than me even and that is something to say since my mother always would claim that I must have had the albino gene. I was completely intrigued by these siblings, which was completely unlike me. I never took the time to look at anyone, and the fact that these five strangers did was out of the ordinary. I tugged my hood forward more to hide my face and slouched closer to my table as my eyes trailed them across the room when the all sat down at the same table together.

"_Beautiful, aren't they Bells?" _Cynthia was practically jumping up and down in my mind with a sense of excitement.

"Yes, yes they are." I agreed.

I completely forgot about the food I had purchased as I continued my observation, completely unaware of who was approaching my table.

"OOOO freaky Swan has a thing for the new kids." Lauren snickered as her group laughed openly at me. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks in embarrassment and I realized I had been caught. My view of the Cullen table was blocked as Lauren leaned across the table. I quickly pulled my journal towards my body and out of her reach.

"How more pathetic could you possibly be Swan? I bet you think that they would be your best friends, don't cha loser? In your dreams."

Again, tears started to form. "No Lauren. Of course they wouldn't be my friends." I quietly said at barely a whisper.

"Good, just remember that Swan. And don't get any thoughts in your head about going after Edward. I know you've never had a boyfriend, and you never will obviously, but get any delusions out of you head because he's off limits to psychos like of you. Got it freak?"

I could only nod while looking down at the table, clutching my journal to my chest. The loud laughs of the bitch brigade trailing off brought relief that they would leave me alone for now. I pushed my glasses up since they had slipped down and sniffled trying to hold back my tears. This was just another typical day in my life, and I silently cursed the Cullen family, because of them I was pointed out, I was not invisible to my enemies, and publicly humiliated. My hands trembled as I placed my journal back on the table.

"_Are you ok Bella?" _Liz's voice was thickly laced with concern. I know that she always wished she could speak up for me, protect me from the hurt that was constantly inflicted on me. I felt the same. Cynthia always told me she would kick their asses if she had a physical body, which would make me laugh and would usually make me feel better. However, for some reason she was eerily quiet at the moment.

I nodded for Liz. I wasn't really ok, but I would live. At least for now.

I opened my journal again and held my pen in my hand, hovering over the page, but I couldn't write. I hated it here. I was lonely, and sad. And today confirmed it for me that I needed to get out of Forks as soon as high school ended. Away from my tormentors.

I took a shaky breath and lowered my pen to the table and against my better judgment looked up to the Cullen table. Rosalie and Emmett had sad looks on their faces but were facing one another, the look of love on reflected in their eyes, even from the distance I was. I shifted my eyes over and noticed three sets of eyes in my direction, two of shear sadness and what I recognized as pity from Jasper and Alice and one of confusion and almost frustration in Edwards. For some reason it looked like they had heard the conversation, but they probably just heard the rumors of which just transpired since being such a small school, word travels fast. I looked back down averting my gaze, biting my lip because I had been caught staring by the objects of my interest.

I did feel pathetic then. I wanted nothing more than to run out of school and go crawl under the covers on my bed at home and cry for day. I knew that today would be bad. Liz was wrong when she said it would not be a bad day. No, it was worse. Just as I was about to burst in a fit of quiet tears, I suddenly started to calm down. My sadness was slowly disappearing and was replaced with a feeling of hope, hope that things would be better.

"_Bella? What's going on?_" Liz asked, she sensed the change in my mood too.

"I don't know Lizzy." I mentally answered.

Cynthia's bell like laugh started to tinkle through my mind.

"Do you know something Cyn?"

"_Yes._" She giggle again.

"Well, would you care to share with the rest of the class?" I asked with some annoyance.

"Sure. What just happened, my dear best friends, would be to wonderful work of one Mr. Jasper Whitlock?"

I had no idea what Cynthia was talking about.

"Whitlock? I thought Jasper's last name was Hale."

Suddenly I heard the sound of several intakes of breath from across the room that caught attention. When I looked up, I pushed my frames up my nose again and was met with five set of fearful eyes looking directly at me. It was then that I realized I had said the last thing out loud, and mysteriously the five Cullen children had heard me.

I stared at all of them for moment, before noticing Edward quickly shake his head at something. Rosalie's eyes shifted from fear to anger and instantly Liz's voice spoke to me.

"_Bella, you need to leave now. Pack up you bag and get out of the cafeteria. Go to the nurse's office and go home for the day. Say you're sick. We need to leave."_ Her voice was panicky and I quickly did as she said.

I shoved my journal in my backpack and stood up quickly gathering my hardly touched lunch and threw it away. I tucked my head down as I quickly headed for the door, feeling the intense gaze of the Cullens still on me. For some reason I was very afraid. I felt like I had said something that was a secret the Cullens had not intended on sharing. I stumbled a few times in my haste to leave and I finally reached the glass doors to my freedom. I pushed through and attempted to jog in the downpour of rain that was now occurring, through the quad and then spotted the green door to the school nurse's office. I quickly opened the door and then closed it with a little more force than necessary.

Nurse Mary's head shot up at my less than elegant entrance.

"Bella, dear. Is everything alright."

My breath was shaky and I felt my hands tremble.

"No, Nurse Mary. I'm not feeling well. I was wondering if I could get a note to go home. I'd be more than happy to call my father. I just don't think I should stay home for the rest of the day."

I could feel that my face was flushed from my rushing outside, which I hoped was helping with my plead.

Nurse Mary's eyes were full of concern and appraising me. I was praying quietly as I waited her to respond.

"Of course dear. No need to call Chief Swan, he's a busy man. Are you ok to drive home?" She started to fill out a release slip I would need to give to the campus security guard so I could leave campus.

"I – " I was about to say I could when I heard the sound of the door opening behind and someone interrupted my response.

"I can take Bella home, Nurse Mary." A bell like voice spoke from behind me. One I did not recognize.

The nurse looked up from the note to look at who was behind me. "And who are you dear?"

I was dreading the answer of the mystery person. I gripped my backpack straps tighter and I could feel my breath start to quicken in fear.

"Alice Cullen. A friend of Bella's." I could feel my heart start to thump into over drive. All the blood rushed from my face and I felt lightheaded as I started to turn around.

There, a mere three feet away from me was the pixie new girl herself. Not a single hair out of place and glistening with drops of rain. Most of her clothing appeared to still be dry and she was minutely bouncing up and down with a sincere smile on her face.

"_Bella?" _Liz and Cynthia both sounded very concerned.

My mouth was dry and my eyes darted between Alice Cullen and the door, trying to figure out if I could possibly escape. If I ran I was sure to fall and cause a bit of self injury. I bit my lip and tore my eyes away to stare at the floor.

"Would that okay with you Bella?" I felt the nurse's hand on my shoulder, which caused me to flinch slightly from shock. I wanted to say no. I really did. To run away, beg my mother to let me move back to Phoenix. I could attend high school there. Sure Renee and Phil would not be around, but I wouldn't mind being alone. I was just about to answer when Cynthia spoke up.

"_Go with Alice." _Was all she said.

I looked again to Alice. She had an odd honey like color to her eyes, but they were seeming to beg me to come with her. I really wanted to say no. But with Cynthia urging me and the way Alice was smiling at me, I felt my resolve disappear.

"That's fine." I whispered taking the slip from the nurse and then followed Alice Cullen out the door into the rain. The beating of my heart pounding in my ears, my own personal death march.


End file.
